Coming to Acceptance Every Day

Every day here at the hospital presents challenges but also has moments of me being okay and finding many positive things.

I've created a schedule for myself. Wake up when they put the baby on the monitor at about my usual home wake up time. Wait until they take her off while I pray and think. Listen to music while eating breakfast. Shower, yoga, read, project for the day, parents visit with Zachary, lunch, read, etc. I played my guitar after dinner tonight for two hours. It's good practice and I was entertained. I need to watch my sign language dvds too while I'm here. Husband visits at night currently to fit his work schedule. It gives us time to ourselves too even though I love Zachary with all my heart and want to be with him all the time.

Some moments I think the next two weeks will be very long and I just wish my doctor would tell me she's changing her mind. But it's okay. I have a lot to do here and I have wireless, wow! That's amazing to me and I feel so much more connected to everyone with my phone and computer.

I also have access to the daily readings to prepare myself for Christmas and thinking about a real meaning of the season. I remember that Mary didn't have the comfortable Inn she probably wanted to give birth in. She made it work (not that I'm giving birth but you know, being in this place I don't want to be in). I think of the attitude she would take.

Today's readings were helpful to me also. Hannah presented her son Samuel to the Lord after the Lord gave him to her. I prayed for this child, and the LORD granted my request.
Now I, in turn, give him to the LORD;
as long as he lives, he shall be dedicated to the LORD.”
I hope to be grateful to the Lord that I am here, healthy, with a healthy baby girl still in my womb. He gave her to me when I so wanted a child.

I want to teach my children the symbols of advent- hope, peace, joy, and love just as the Lord is those things and gives me those things.

The magnificat is also in the reading of today's Gospel. And at the end it says that Mary remained with Elizabeth for three months. This reminds me again of myself today. I have three months left to remain and wait for our baby Adelyn Sophia. A perfect fit for the season of advent when we are waiting for Jesus and I must learn to wait.